Hermitblog

Yes, failures don't matter in the long run. You will not even remember when you got 50% or 90% in school. Or when you got a supply in your college. But that doesn't reduce the pain in the short term. You cry and cry because you have to get through it. You have to sit through those exams again. You have to pass through those corridors where people are judging you for being a failure right now. You cannot just go to your relatives and your parents and make them feel better by telling them you will be successful in the future. It's so convenient really. On one side you'll be asked to stay in the present, Life is too short. On the other hand, these failures don't matter, they don't decide your future. Work hard towards your future. I mean pick a lane. I have been crying for a week now since my result came out and not to my surprise nobody's there for me the way I am. And let me be honest having myself on my side is not a party either. I know for a fact that I co...

What can I say, she is the most amazing person that I have ever seen in my life. Not like I have grown alot but I met a load of people and none of them.. I know like people like to think that their mothers are the most ordinary people in this world. But I am truly the one who can say that without any doubts that she got the most amazing, extraordinary, one in trillions- mother. When children go out and live their lives in hostels and colleges, children want space. My mother gave me space but she also made sure that I knew she was always there beside me. She used to call me every night without forgetting. If there are 365 days in a year I didn't spend a single day without talking to her and my friend used to say that this is not necessary, you have grown now you don't have to talk to your mother daily but I used to take pride that I am with a mother who knows the value of space while she in a sense used to tell me that I am not all alone in this world. I can do whatever I want b...

Dear boyfriend,    I have so many thoughts inside me and this is really new to me. Because I generally say whats on my mind because I believe in conversations. With you I experience some difficulty in these conversations. The first thought that may come into your head is that here I go blaming you again. This is not a blaming text, its a kind and pure bundle of words I feel but can't express with the feeling of you understanding them. It doesn't matter how much I tell you about my problems, you want me to behave in a certain way that can make you happy. Its not currently possible for me. I am sorry if I don't laugh on your jokes, I genuinely don't find anything funny. I spend my whole days watching sitcoms and I Don't even remember when was the last time I found them funny. I told you this even though I was not comfortable repeating the only guy I tell everything yet again that m not feeling normal. I really felt like you would understand even just out of empathy. B...

It's just so easy to present yourself as a victim. Everyone has this story of "struggle" that they think makes them worthy, good-enough, unique. Comparing is another behaviour that comes when this "victimises your behaviour". How it works is that you either tell your story to everyone and feel more satisfied when everyone sees you asa lotus that bloomed in a swamp or you listen to others telling their stories to you and you are just sitting there feeling superior because according to you what you went through is a lot and no-one could bear that pressure that you did. Now I am not sure if I could call this superior feel or inferior. So basically humans feel superior when they feel like there was some time in their lives when the person sitting in front of them had more than them, they were not privileged the same, so "They were inferior". Complex, right? Well how fascinating is this awful cycle. Now, let me add something more complex to this. If I or an...

It's been two years since I lost her. Life has not been the same after that in any aspect. I guess nobody can recover from that kind of loss or I don't wanna recover. It's so fucking lonely inside or outside too. I have isolated myself from the world after that. But inside.. doesn't matter how much I try that void just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I don't feel things you know. I feel like a fucking baby who doesn't want anything but just her mother. Idk if I'll be a good daughter then or not but I just want her. Told ya, a fucking baby. It's so cold and emotionless. I don't even cry anymore until I really think about her. Sometimes I feel like I have moved on. Sometimes it all just keeps going. My boyfriend said something the past day. He said, "I feel the same way that life is just passing by and I am not feeling satisfied by anything. But I don't have anything to complain about atleast we can eat daily and all our loved ones are in go...